


Calm

by postersonthewall



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28647186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postersonthewall/pseuds/postersonthewall
Summary: Leah could never find a sense of calm. This was until Fatin.orHow Fatin and Leah slowly fell in love on the Island.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Comments: 16
Kudos: 212





	Calm

**Author's Note:**

> hey! this is my first fic; would appreciate feedback :)

Leah was never able to find a sense of calm. 

Since she could remember, her brain was nothing but a stream of nervous chattering - as if she were held hostage in the trunk of a car that was being driven off a mountain and her thoughts were at the wheel. She was never familiar with the concept of control. 

When Leah had a thought it would grow; her brain was like piles of dirt that offered an infinite supply of weeds. Those weeds would root themselves deep into her mind and grow on top of each other. Soon her entire brain would be entangled with green; the weedy thought would suffocate her to the point where it was unbearable. In all honesty; Leah couldn’t stand herself. 

And all of this was before Jeff Galanis. 

There are many things in the world that are dangerous for someone like Leah. Feelings were very dangerous because no matter how hard she tried, how deeply she willed herself to hold on; her feelings would be felt so intensely there was no room for anything else. And the worst of it all was love. 

For those who say that love is intoxicating and obsessive - Leah could take that and multiply it infinitely. It was how she worked; how she was wired. When Jeff came along Leah did everything in her power to hold on, because for someone like Leah the worst fate she could suffer would be a lonely one. And so she lied, and while she hated herself for it; she couldn’t manage to hate herself more than she already did, but at least with lying, she could be close to happy.

When he left, she crumbled until there was nothing left. The world had lost the deep meaning that he had given it and every single thing was a reminder of the loss she had suffered. Her hurt was unbearable and all consuming and she was convinced she could ever recover. 

Fatin was different though. 

At first, Leah was convinced that the island was the last thing she needed. There was too much empty time and too little distractions; without a liberal access to things that she could use to fight the thoughts she knew she’d be condemned to a constant suffering. In some ways, the island was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Her thoughts became monstrous and for the first time in a while she started hurting others. Once again, she could find no calm. 

Slowly but surely Fatin would pick up on this. The gentle girl would glance at Leah and immediately memorize what each of her movements meant. It was like learning sheet music but Leah was an instrument she’d never familiarized herself with. Safe to say, she was willing to try and play.

Fatin noticed that Leah would often accompany her thoughts with certain actions. She’d pull at her left eyebrow hair, rock with her hands holding her head, and sometimes bite her bottom lip. At first Fatin didn’t know why she cared so much; she only knew that she wanted to help. She had seen too many people break for her to allow a sweet soul like Leah suffer this horribly.

Leah found a calm in Fatin’s eyes. Anytime she would begin to wind herself up she would frantically search for those beautiful and calming eyes, and Fatin was always there to deliver. Sometimes those looks would be enough, but other times it got so bad she needed more. Leah never liked asking for that; but Fatin was more than glad to give it to her. 

There was one night where everyone was asleep, dead to the world, except Leah. She was shaking even though she was the closest to the fire. Her shaky breathing was subtle and quiet, no one seemed to notice. What was peculiar was that Fatin, the deepest sleeper of the unsinkable 8, managed to hear it. Before Leah could allow another quiet sob to wrack her body, she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Leah?” Leah froze, holding her breath.

“Mhm?”

“Leah, you’re crying.” Fatin’s voice was filled with concern, a concern that Leah had never felt would be directed to her. A concern she feared she would be condemned to only provide to others.

“It’s alright. I’m sorry for waking you up.” Leah willed herself to say this, screamed at herself to not pathetically ask Fatin to stay.

Fatin didn’t need to be asked. Right as Leah spoke she turned Leah towards her and tucked her gently into her neck, holding her in her arms. At her touch, Leah immediately softened. She melted into Fatin and for a brief moment she felt that calm she was so unfamiliar with. 

Fatin made a habit of this. She would wait until everyone went to sleep and then she would crawl to Leah who she knew was pretending to sleep. In the dark, under the stars, and by the light of their solitary fire she would bring Leah into her arms and hold the girl, gently rocking her to sleep. After the first couple of nights, this was the only way that Leah could manage to fall asleep.

While there were little words exchanged in these quiet moments, Fatin knew that she was needed for once; and she felt very up to the task. The other girls started to slowly notice how attached the two girls became. Once, a trip for berries with Dot and Rachel turned into a lengthy walk that led the three girls to be lost.

“We should spend the night here, it’ll be too dark to make our way back.” Sensible Dot had said as she found a patch of dirt to make herself comfortable.

“No, we can make it back in time. We’ve got to get back to the other girls.” Fatin’s nervousness was ringing in her voice.

“Fatin I’m sure they’ll be fine without us I mean-” Fatin cut Rachel off abruptly, 

“No you don’t understand we need to make it back tonight we have to.”

Dot and Rachel were at a loss. Usually Fatin would be the least eager to hike down a mountain and through a forest in the dead of night; the girl would usually always forfeit for the easier option. This was nothing like Fatin and they could sense how absolutely shaken she was by this. That night, Dot had kept a special eye on Fatin who spent the night awake, nervously tapping, what Dot assumed was her music, on her thighs.

When they reached the other girls by the next morning, the oddest thing happened. Dot knew that Fatin and Leah had grown close since the first days, but seeing Fatin run to Leah so quickly was rather out of character. 

Fatin made her way to Leah as quickly as possible and held her face in her hands. Leah, who had been up with worry all night, immediately had an intake of breath. Her face, those hands, that calm. All was well. 

“Leah I’m so fucking sorry, we got lost and we couldn’t-” Fatin was stumbling over her words as she saw the familiar face of exhaustion on Leah’s face. The girl had obviously not slept that night.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re here now.”

The rest of that day, and frankly the rest of their time on the island, Fatin made sure she was always touching Leah. Even if it was just a brush on the hand, she made sure that she was always near Leah, protecting her. 

Slowly but surely, Leah’s thoughts became less loud, and the girl started to smile more. One particular night, Shelby had suggested some ridiculous dance party and to Leah’s surprise she got up and danced with them. For that brief moment, she had allowed herself to have fun. Fatin nearly choked back tears when she saw Leah like this, so free. Little did she know that it was all because of her. 

The first time they kissed was during one of the nightly trips Fatin made to Leah’s spot. As she made herself comfortable next to Leah who always managed to be warm, she settled and planted a tentative kiss to Leah’s temple. Leah felt Fatin tracing letters and patterns on her hand and rejoiced in the calm that overcame her. Fatin’s touch was one she felt she didn’t deserve, one that she thought was too good to be true. Sometimes, Fatin made Leah so happy that Leah worried she made it all up; that Fatin was nothing more than a figment of her imagination. This was difficult to deal with. Leah, frequently disconnected from reality, ached at the thought that the one girl that made her happy might not be real.

Usually when this happened, Leah would clutch onto Fatin to remind herself she was real but tonight, it wasn’t enough. Leah started to breathe quickly, it wasn’t enough. Even when Fatin held her this time she couldn’t convince herself she was real. Her pace quickened, her breathing was shallow. The only thing she knew would help was exactly what she did. 

Leah turned towards Fatin and pressed her lips to hers before she could change her mind. Immediately, Fatin’s soft hands made their way to hold Leah’s face and bring her closer into the kiss. 

It was the first and only calm Leah knew.


End file.
